in which i am a little embarrassed

Hello, world.

It’s a rather natural thing for tastes and opinions to change as we grow older. For myself, twenty-year-old me is quite different from thirteen-year-old me. However, the things we liked as younger creatures often seem rather, uh, embarrassing to the older manifestations of our selves. Much as we try to hide them, we all have those awkward things that we somewhat hardcore regret.

Today, I’m going to admit one of mine.



Goodreads summary:

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Second, there was a part of him—and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be—that thirsted for my blood.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

In the first book of the Twilight Saga, internationally bestselling author Stephenie Meyer introduces Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, a pair of star-crossed lovers whose forbidden relationship ripens against the backdrop of small-town suspicion and a mysterious coven of vampires. This is a love story with bite.

I want to preface this post by saying that if you do love Twilight, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. (There’s definitely still a part of me that enjoys the story and the nostalgia that it brings.) I’m mostly just embarrassed by the extent of my obsession with them.

I was so obsessed with Twilight.

(Really though–you don’t even understand.)

There are many reasons for this.

  1. I was a young teenage girl.
  2. I was a young teenage girl.
  3. I was a young teenage girl.

I read the first book when I was twelve or thirteen years old, and I felt like Twilight was the balm to soothe all my teenager-y woes. Finally, I thought, something that gets me. Because you know, I, too, was a super average girl just wanting to fall in love with a vampire. (What?) After reading Twilight, I was hooked. I consumed all the books, over and over and over again. I read fanfiction until the wee hours of the night. I analyzed anything and everything that Stephenie Meyer had ever written about the series. I made entire journals dedicated just to the books, filled with images of the movie cast and doodled hearts declaring that I love Edward Cullen. I had t-shirts and magazines and anything else you could imagine.

It was pretty horrific.


Then, one day when I was a little older and more mature, I realized the books were just  okay.

I realized that I had been a little too invested in them, especially for a book that didn’t quite deserve such time and emotion from me. (Again, this is just the opinion of twenty-year-old Natalie.)

I tend to have a rather obsessive personality when it comes to things I really love, and my relationship with Twilight was, like, the first manifestation of that. So, looking back, it’s no surprise that I was so obsessed with the books. It’s just a little embarrassing. I was really loud about my love for them. Everyone around me knew I loved them, and even now some of my family members from home bring the books up when I see them.

I’ve since learning to be quieter about my obsessions.

So, yes, I was a hardcore Twilight fan. I’m not ashamed. (Well, kind of.)

yours, Natalie

Tune in tomorrow at noon for the next post!


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